Andy's Manifesto

Well, folks.
Here it is - Andy's Manifesto...and let no-one accuse me of shying away from the big issues or avoiding controversy.
I'm calling it like it is - which is something you'll find as rare as hen's teeth in today's political landscape.

So what's the first thing I'd do if I was in power?
Well, I'd give every man, woman and child a big slap and shout as loudly as I could into their faces:
'Get real, you morons!!'
Why?
Well, it's simple really. If you, the mass populous some 70 million strong, want...nay, demand the following:

• a National Health Service that is fit for purpose i.e. enables you to see your GP quickly when you're ill, to have timely operations instead of waiting a couple of years in agony, to have your hospitals clean and safe and properly staffed with qualified doctors and nurses who aren't so tired that they can't think straight, to have access to the latest drugs and treatments even though they cost hundreds of thousands of pounds, etc.
• a transport system that is fit for purpose i.e. trains that run frequently and on time and aren't like sardine-cans, motorways that aren't at a standstill forever, roads that aren't so full of potholes that driving becomes something like a video-game, etc.
• a country that is safe and secure i.e. with enough police officers on the beat to enforce the law, an army, navy and airforce that is big enough and well-equipped enough to protect our interests, security services that have enough resources to identify and snuff out threats before they manifest themselves, etc.
• etc.
• etc.

then you can't have all these things without being prepared to pay for them!

And all these things cost money...lots and lots of money...!

So you, the great British public, need to decide (and decide quickly) what's really important to you - low taxation (and money in your pocket so you can go and shop at Primark) or the sort of fully-funded services I've listed above - because you simply can't have both.

Oh, one other thing. You also need to realise, whether you like it or not, that you've been living in a country which, for at least the last 20 years or so, has been living well beyond its means. Successive governments (and Labour and Tories are equally to blame here) has run up a bigger and bigger national overdraft and eventually that particular bird (the £1.5 trillion+ national debt bird) will come home to roost big time and no amount of tinkering around with Insurance Premium Taxes or Income Tax thresholds, or simply praying that the global economy will suddenly flourish and save the day is going to help. 

So, here's the deal.

We have to raise taxation. And I mean really raise taxation.

There's nothing else for it.

Of course, we have to do it in a way that is fair and equitable, and no, before anyone asks, I'm not going to impose a 98% super-tax on all earnings over £200,000. Instead, everyone (and I mean everyone) is going to have to pay more. That means those on lower incomes will see their 20% rate go up to say 22% or 23%; then those who earn more will pay a bit more than that - if you earn over £30,000, you'll pay 26% or 27%; if you earn over £60,000, it'll be 47% or 48% and so on...and maybe all those footballers on simply ridiculous wages can give something back...let's look at maybe 75% tax on earnings over £1 million - at least it'll temper their urges to build monstrous-bling buildings in the Cheshire countryside!

But why do we need to raise taxes by so much? I hear the masses (fish and poor alike) cry out.

Because not only do we need to balance the books quickly, we also need to generate enough of a surplus so that we can get our national debt mountain down and eventually pay our overdraft off...that way we won't be spending nigh on £50 billion a year (that's about half the entire NHS budget) in interest payments, like we do at the moment!!!

Of course, everyone will need to tighten their belts - the job of government (and councils) is to make sure every penny of taxpayer's money is spent wisely and cautiously, giving the best returns possible. 

And no, we shouldn't expect the most vulnerable in our society to shoulder an inordinate burden (as our current government seems to want to do with disabled people, for example).

But there is one group of people that I would target with vigour and that's the workshy, those who have made a career of living off benefits, and therefore off the efforts and hard-work of others.

You see, in Andy's Britain, there would still be a benefits system, but it would be structured in such a way that made it impossible for anyone on benefits to 'earn' more than 50% of a person who is working. Those on welfare must be given an incentive to find work - if they choose not to, then the life they live must not be one where they can afford new designer clothes, plentiful supplies of cigarettes and alcohol, Playstations, flat-screen TVs and Sky, a holiday abroad once or twice a year. Welfare should be there to provide the minimum support only - no more.

Interested and Intrigued?

Want to know more about my other policies?

• the EU - this, for me, is a no brainer. Not only would we have to leave the EU in order for all the things I think need to be done to actually get done (otherwise every man and his dog would be off to the European Court of Human Rights or the European Court of Justice with some sob-story or other), but we should simply not be part of a club that shifts its headquarters between two cities every couple of weeks because it can't decide where those headquarters should be! In the future, I believe historians will look back at the EU as a failed social experiment that collapsed under the weight of its own bureaucracy and corruption - I only hope those same historians will look back at 2016 and say 'Britain was smart to get out when they did'. Remember, God put water between us and Europe for a reason!
• Criminality - again, this is a no brainer. Society asks, in reality, very little of the individual - but one thing that should be sacrosanct is compliance with the law. To break the law should not be seen as something to be done lightly; the ramifications of such transgressions must be met with swift and terrible retribution. Of course, where possible, everyone should be given a chance at redemption and rehabilitation...but only one chance. Those 'career criminals' who choose to transgress again cannot be tolerated and it would be my proposal to take an island (not sure which yet), build a massive wall around it and follow the lead of Escape from New York! No parole, no Open University courses (and certainly no f**king vote!).
• Government itself - yes, we'd still have a Parliament and national elections, but it would be a much slimmer version (100 MPs at the most) - the majority party would act, in essence, as the Board of UK plc and it would be their job to set goals in all the major areas of society (economics, health, education, defence, sport and culture, etc). They could then hire and fire the best minds to run those departments - we wouldn't have ministers; instead, we'd score the globe to find the very best individuals the world has to offer. Yes, we'd pay them handsomely (just like football clubs pay good managers) but they would be judged on results. The cost of hiring the best would be more than covered by the savings we'd make on the 550 free-loading and ineffectual MPs (not to mention all those MEPs) that we would no longer need.
• Education - this would need a radical rethink. Whilst we need to prepare our children for the big, wide world, we also need to recognise that each child is different - some are academically gifted, some are not; some are talented at sports, some at arts, some are born engineers, etc. The job of schools and teachers should be to uncover each child's true gifts and nurture them, encouraging them to grow into the best that they can be. How do we do that? At the moment, I have no idea whatsoever, but given the chance I'd have a damn good go at finding a solution.
• Multiculturalism - let's face facts: multiculturalism doesn't work. It's a failed social experiment which sought to fly in the face of that basic rule of humanity that people who are the 'same' (be that on the basis of colour, creed, nationalism, religion) will always group together and be naturally wary and mistrusting of everyone who is not like them. So how to heal what has become a deeply divided society. Again, it may sound harsh, but the simple answer is to say that if you are here in Britain, then your first and foremost loyalty should be to this great land of ours. And being British should be to embrace a set of ideals, to embrace Britain's national identity - that identity doesn't have to be based on any religion or faith (though they'd certainly contain many christian values with a small 'c'), but they should encompass the common principles of good citizenship, of knowing what is right and what is wrong, focussing on responsibilities instead of rights. And if you don't like those ideals, then this is not the place for you. 
• No, I won't constantly apologise for Britain's history and the Age of Empire. Full stop.
• Scotland - Let's be clear here. I'm a Unionist. I believe Great Britain is great because it is made up of all the different nations of the Union. It saddens me deeply, not that so many Scots want to leave the Union, but that so many Scots seem to think that all the ills north of the border are caused by everyone south of the border. That's simply not the case. There are plenty of people between Carlisle and Crewe who are equally pissed off with the state of our great nation, but unfortunately, short of doing a Sudan and having a twenty-year civil war at the end of which we can split England in two, we're stuck with it. Turning your back on the rest of the UK is not, I suggest, the solution...and yes, before people start saying that the same argument can be used about leaving Europe, my previous stance on Europe is that I think we would indeed better off  in a reformed Europe that is more akin to what it was originally set up as i.e. a trading block, a 'Common Market' - unfortunately, I do not believe the EU will ever reform (and David Cameron's efforts to get it to do so aren't worth did diddlysquat!). As for Scottish independence, I strongly believe that if Britain was run the way I would have it run, then no Scot would want to even consider leaving it!

I could go on - there's plenty more policies, plenty more powerful strategies (and hard choices) - but I'll leave it there.

Of course, I'm always open to feedback and comment - except where it doesn't align with my own views and beliefs, in which case I will simply label it as poppycock...or outdated liberalism.

But feel free to comment nonetheless :)

All's well that ends well…maybe

Well, now that the dust has finally settled over the small matter of Scotland's independence, I thought I'd share a few thoughts on the subject.

1. A question - was the vote in favour of independence lower than expected because a number of Scots were confused by the absence of 'Aye' as a voting option?
2. There's a part of me that is glad that I won't have to worry about the Pounds to Poonds exchange rate every time I venture north of the border.
3. I very much liked Jason Manford's comment posted on the eve of the vote: Just had a bottle of Irn Bru, a Tunnocks teacake and a Scotch egg. Just before they end up on the foreign food aisle at Tesco! 

Personally, I think it is a testament to level-headedness of the people of Scotland and to the people of the United Kingdom as a whole that, firstly, a portion of this nation's population can be given the opportunity to decide whether or not they remain part of a larger state, and secondly, that a decision can be reached without violence.

We only need to look back to the bloody and traumatic break-up of the former Yugoslavia to see how badly these things can turn out. I for one am thankful that we were able to let the question be asked, and the answer heard, without it resulting in the sort of chaos and bloodshed we saw in the Balkans.

Of course, this does mean that the highly secretive work of the The Jacobite Solution (see previous post on 10th September) is no longer necessary.

Project Caledonia Nirvana

The UK Government has today denied reports that, for the last eight months, a secret task-force known as The Jacobite Solution has, amongst other initiatives, been developing plans to 'manage through England' the ever-growing flow of illegal economic migrants from Africa, the Middle East and Eastern Europe, attracted by the UK's generous benefits system.
Extracts from a recent highly sensitive progress report to Home Secretary Teresa May by Sir Tristan Bumble, the task-force's strategic head, have allegedly been leaked onto the internet. The report's executive summary states:
'Since our last report (June 2014) on Project Caledonia Nirvana, the TJS Task-Force has continued its work to examine, evaluate, propose and prioritise the mechanisms (including infrastructure) that are likely to be needed in the event of a Yes vote for Scottish independence. Recent successes have been as follows:

1. the identification of a suitable migrant holding site at Longtown, north of Carlisle (codename Scotia-Sangatte);
2. confirmation of costs associated with aggressive information dissemination in source regions;
3. finalisation of information dissemination processes within the UK;
4. agreement from UK Border Force senior management to the implementation of a policy of 'blind-eye' entry to the UK for migrants able to demonstrate an intention to head for Scotland;
5. agreement with target train operators of a standard, low-cost price for off-peak 'South-to-North'  tickets to facilitate fast migration through England with minimum disruption.
6. confirmation from French authorities that, on confirmation of the success of Project Caledonia Nirvana, they will relax migrant controls in Northern France.

Based on these key successes, and on the other areas of progress outlined in detail in the body of this report, it can be confirmed that, with minimal investment (est. £20 million), flow-through of illegal migrants from Europe to an independent Scotland could be managed at 85,000 per annum. In addition, it is anticipated that the actions proposed would result in a net reduction of England & Wales-based migrants in the region of 30-40%.'

On these points, more detailed extracts from the report are as follows.

Point 1:

'Of the five potential migrant holding sites proposed in the last report, Option 2 (the disused farm on the northern outskirts of Longtown) has been deemed to be the most suitable in terms of access from key transport routes (Carlisle railway station, the M6 motorway), and is also the most desirable in terms of proximity to the border and potential ease with which migrants could make their way unhindered into Scotland. The holding site is sufficiently distant from the major conurbation of Carlisle itself to minimise any local problems and concerns, and the provision of basic humanitarian aid will ensure it quickly begins to attract the target demographic (note - any aid must be sufficiently basic to encourage migrants to attempt a border crossing at the earliest convenience). As it is likely that Scottish Authorities will take immediate actions to prevent cross-border migration, it is suggested that a small force of suitably trained individuals (probably from the Armed Forces) be encouraged to infiltrate the holding site on a permanent basis to disseminate the latest intel on those parts of the border where Scottish countermeasures are weakest and where the potential for a successful incursion are highest.'

Point 2:

'Appendix A contains detailed costing data associated with the development and maintenance of an aggressive strategy of information dissemination in those countries that currently represent the largest sources of economic migrants attempting to enter the UK (Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Libya, etc.). It is proposed to use a variety of media (including social media) to initially create and then to constantly reinforce the concept of Scotland as a new Nirvana in terms of social welfare and job prospects (note - significant use can be made of recordings of television interviews with, and political statements by, Alex Salmond in which he outlines how financially successful an independent Scotland will be).  This will run in parallel with a similar campaign to downplay the desirability of England as a potential migration destination on the basis of austerity cuts, poor healthcare, etc. (again, soundbites from Yes campaign politicians could be used, though there is sufficient material already available to reinforce this particular message). Initial studies suggest that this approach (which as we know has been used by the French for the last fifteen years to promote the UK as the country of choice for economic migration) will, we estimate, ensure that 80-90% of migrants will choose to continue their migration through England towards Scotland.'

Point 3:

'It can be confirmed that all desired information dissemination mechanisms targeting those migrants already in England & Wales are in place and can be initiated as and when required. It is proposed that this information offensive is coupled with a short, sharp, shock approach to perceived illegal migrant support in the remaining parts of the UK, wherein all benefits for migrants are cut quickly and brutally in a short period of time. If undertaken in the winter of 2014-15, this will also have significant political kudos ahead of the 2015 General Election.'

Point 4:

'Following meetings last week with UK Border Force representatives, it has been confirmed that it will be possible to implement a 'blind-eye' policy to those migrants whom border checks are able to confirm intend to 'pass-through' England and head for Scotland. Such individuals will, as a matter of course, be initially housed in either non-secure holding centres in the South-East, or placed into community-based accommodation (as is currently the case in most instances). It is anticipated that this approach will result in the desired outcome of a high level of abscondments.'

Point 5:

'The key stumbling block of how to encourage fast and effective transferral of migrants from the South-East to the Border (see Area of Concern No.3 in June 2014 Report) has now been addressed. An agreement has been reached with a number of targeted train operators whereby they will accommodate the travel of migrants on off-peak trains on the West Coast mainline. It has been agreed that this will be limited to trains whose first stop is Warrington Bank Quay, as it is considered unlikely that any migrants will choose to alight at any stations north of this point (Wigan North Western, Preston, Lancaster), given the choice of doing so - it is the North-West after all! Operators will also increase the number of signs on all Channel Port to London routes and also on The Underground which will direct individuals to northbound West Coast mainline trains at Euston.'

Point 6:

'Following a meeting with representatives of both the French Interior Ministry and the office of the Mayor of Calais, it can be confirmed that, once the UK Government is satisfied with the success of Project Caledonia Nirvana, the authorities in France will ensure the relaxation of controls over migrants attempting to gain access to England. This will include re-introducing their old techniques of holes in security fences, the dissemination of information detailing the best means of crossing the Channel, the provision of pamphlets about what to do when you get the UK (which will suggest heading for Scotland), reducing security in lorry parks near the port, etc.'

In response to the leaking of this report, a UK government spokesman has already been quoted as saying:

'The alleged existence of a task-force whose purpose, amongst others, would be to identify how best to transfer the burden of illegal economic migration from the UK as a whole to Scotland specifically is a complete fabrication. However, we do wish we'd thought of it!!'

That last comment was later withdrawn.

A new chapter?

Well, folks, this is the first of my 'infrequent' blogposts and it unfortunately has to start with some sad news. The latest post on one of the blogs that I have been following - 'Who the hell does he think he is' - related the distressing news that Eamonn, the man behind the blog, had lost his long battle with stage III pleural mesothelioma. It puts into perspective, doesn't it, the triviality of some of the things which we all allow ourselves to become upset by and immersed in. I can only applaud and admire Eamonn and those like him who face the shattering knowledge of their own, inevitable demise with such courage, fortitude and positivity.

I didn't know what sort of picture to put up with this blogpost, so I decided to share this photo I took a few months ago of Glenshiel from Loch Duich. Nice, isn't it? Check out other photos of mine at https://www.flickr.com/photos/andyritchie999/

As for myself, what's new in Andy's Universe?
Well, quite a lot, actually.
If I was to use the much-laboured 'Life is a Book' metaphor, then I'd be saying that one particular chapter of my life was drawing slowly to a close but was, in its passing, opening up an exciting (and maybe just a little bit scary) new one.
For those of you out there in the big, bad world who weren't aware, my current employer has decided to dispense with my services after 7 years (though they are paying me quite a tidy sum in the process). But, not one to be down in the dumps for long, I'm using this as an opportunity to spend more time writing - hopefully up to 2 days a week more than I was able to commit when I was working full-time (the other three days will still have to be used to put sufficient bread on the proverbial table!)
That means I can hopefully increase my writing output from one book a year to maybe two or three books a year, depending on how favourably the winds of creativity blow.
Yippee!!

So where am I now?
Well, firstly, I've developed chronic pain in the index and middle fingers of my right hand from having them permanently crossed in the hope of positive news from the agents who are currently casting their critical eyes over Fractured Time. I am, on an almost daily basis, sacrificing small animals to the writing gods in the hope that this will convince them to pass favourable judgement on my efforts.
Secondly, I'm hoping to be able to move the children's rhyming book, 'Callum's Quest', forward in the next month or so (if the illustrator has recovered from his shoulder operation - hope you're feeling better, John!!).
And thirdly, I'm steadily immersing myself in my latest piece of work - The Curious Case of God vs Pratt - which is really starting (I think, anyway) to develop into something good.
Of course, if those same writing gods should suddenly decide to look favourably on 'The Book That THEY…' and push sales upwards into double-figures per month, then there's always the sequel, 'The Book That IT…', waiting in the wings; and I already have the outline story for another 'Fractured Time' novel sitting on my desk (working title - The Silent Child). And then there's another, half-written rhyming story - Minstrel Yan and the Mist from the Well - to finish!
So, folks, all in all there's a lot to throw myself into. Hopefully, (and yes, those fingers are still crossed) that long-held dream of walking around Waterstones in Bolton (or Preston, I'm not fussy) and waving a copy of a book I've written will be realised in the very near future :)

As for the rest of the world in general, what are my thoughts on that?
Well…

• In the Ukraine, President Putin needs to stop being such a tit.
• In Syria and Iraq, the beheading of another US citizen just underlines how important it is to make sure that the brutal madness of ISIS (or whatever they're calling themselves today) needs to be dealt with.
• In Scotland, I'm feeling more and more sorry for the people up there whose heads must be close to exploding from the never-ending bombardment of claim and counter-claim on the economy, the NHS, EU membership, cross-border control with England, whether midges can be exported, etc, etc, etc. - whatever their decision on the 18th September, we'll still be holidaying there (though what the exchange rate between Sterling and 'The Poond' will be, I have no idea.).
• And finally - ebola. Now I don't want to sound harsh here, but am I the only one who was just a bit concerned about the idea of transporting someone infected with a virus that kills 60% of its victims from West Africa into the heart of one of the most crowded cities in the world? Yeah, it's great that William Pooley has managed to make a full recovery (thanks to a new and very expensive treatment), but I've seen way too many apocalyptic sci-fi movies about deadly viruses to not think to myself 'Wait a minute, what if someone who's treating him gets infected, then goes home on a bus and pops into the local Spar, then someone else who they've brushed up against in a queue goes to a rave where they rub up against a dozen more people…' Of course, the key thing must be to try to contain and eradicate this terrible disease at source, but I guess the general view is that 'It's only Africa' and there's much bigger things to deal with…like a Russian President who seems to think it's time for another Cold War (or a hot one, for that matter), or caliphate-demanding Islamic fanatics who work on the principle that the only good non-believer is a dead non-believer.

Oh joy!

Why Dave secretly wants the Scots to vote YES

I've made a point of staying pretty quiet on the thorny issue of Scottish independence…
...and I'm going to continue to do so, at least from the perspective of whether I think it is a good idea or not (too many vested interests, and relatives, north of the border, I guess!)

Instead, I'm going to enter into the debate from a totally non-personal perspective and suggest something just a little bit controversial; that is that although good old David 'hug a hoodie' Cameron is openly supporting the 'Better Together' campaign (fronted by Alistair 'my eyebrows down match' Darling because he has a Scottish accent and isn't Gordon Brown), the Prime Minister is, in fact, secretly praying that the Scots vote YES on the 18th September.
Why?
Well, just have a look at this graphic, which I've copied from the following BBC website:
Scottish independence: How would the UK fare without Scotland?

Now do you see what I'm getting at?
From David Cameron's perspective, it boils down to a couple of simple equations:
   UK + Scotland = most of the power
   UK - Scotland = ALL of the power (and no need to listen to Nick Clegg anymore!)

So would a downsized UK with a Tory majority be better or worse than what we have now?
Who knows?
But one thing I am sure of - if Scotland do decide to go it alone on the 18th September, the rest of us in the UK are sure as hell going to find out!

A Change is as Good as a Rest

It's amazing the impact a break from the norm can have.

We've spent the last week in a fabulous little two-roomed 'hobbit-home' by the shore of Loch Duich on Scotland's spectacular west coast (I'm not saying exactly where, because then it may become too popular!), looking out at water that has alternated between dead calm one day and 'lively' the next. 

As expected, the weather has been unpredictable, glorious sunshine following sheets of rain carried on a gusting wind, and vice versa; but that's Scotland for you!

Culturally, we've visited Camusfearna, the famed home of Gavin Maxwell's Ring of Bright Water trilogy (which I'm proud to say I've read); Plockton, the setting for the TV series Hamish MacBeth (which I've watched); and we've spent a day as proper tourists on the Isle of Skye (which resulted in me buying a bottle of Talisker Storm single malt whisky).

We've paddled in our inflatable canoe, walked in the woodlands and down by the beaches, and we've sampled some of the local food and drink.

And we've been fortunate enough to spot an otter, share the water with a curious seal, spend several evenings watching the resident garden mice scampering across the patio and, on the Wednesday evening, when a power cut plunged most of the north of Scotland into darkness, we were privileged enough to be visited by the local pine martin.

So, all in all, a fantastic break, not only from the drudgery of work but also, perversely, from writing. In fact, apart from a hurriedly typed note to myself on the evening of our arrival, the only 'writing' I've done is this blog entry…which is strange, because I'm currently two-thirds of the way through what I'm hoping will be the final re-drafting of my next book, 'Fractured Time', and I'm desperate to get a working draft out to the posse of eager beavers that I have lined up to proof-read and critique it.

So, if anything, this week's holiday should have been a source of frustration, an unwelcome interruption in that final reviewing process. But it hasn't been. Instead, it's kind of recharged my creative batteries, given a great boost to my enthusiasm and left me looking forward to the next couple of weeks of review and redraft with renewed vigour and positivity.

The beach at Camusfearna