Red Plus Zone is a bestseller*

Well, dear friends, yesterday certainly was an interesting and rewarding day.
Now I'm not exactly sure how many wonderful people actually bought the paperback version of Red Plus Zone, but what I do know is that it was enough to propel it up to the dizzy heights of 2,913 in Amazon's bestseller rankings:

And the fun didn't stop there!
A couple of hours later, even though it had dropped ever so slightly in the overall rankings, it actually rose three places to #20 (or 'No.20' as we would say here in the UK) in the Post-Apocalyptic sub-group of the Science Fiction sub-group of the Fiction sub-group of Books!

And then...

...before eventually, after a flurry of late evening purchases...

So does that mean that Red Plus Zone can be classed as a 'bestseller'?

Well, this screenshot would certainly suggest that that is indeed the case.

'But hold on, Andy,' I hear the voices of indignation cry out from across the Interweb. 'Surely you're not suggesting that Red Plus Zone is a bestseller in the way that a Dan Browne or a Lee Childs novel is a bestseller.'

And the answer is:

'Of course not. To believe such a thing would be a sad case of extreme self-delusion.' 

Instead, Red Plus Zone is probably best described as a 'bestseller with an asterisk' which means that it's okay to refer to it as a bestseller but when I do so I need to put a little footnote at the bottom of the page which says:

* Amazon Bestseller Books > Fiction > Science Fiction > Post-Apocalyptic

Now that, I think, is being honest.

An unwelcome achievement

To be honest, in spite of the fact that I haven't sold a shed-load of books (so far), I am still quite proud of the sales that I've achieved and the very positive feedback I've received from people who have kindly taken the time to read 'The Book That THEY…' (Sadly, no-one seems to have either bought or read 'God, Aliens, Death & Teapots, so we'll not speak about that book, shall we).
Unfortunately, in spite of the fact that, here in the UK, there's a steady stream of people dipping their toes into the madness that is my literary world and shelling out a few of their hard-earned shekels to download copies of 'The Book That THEY…', the same cannot be said for Across-the-Pond.
As a result, my current rating on Amazon.com's Author Rank measure (as opposed to .co.uk) is moving inexorably towards a somewhat unwelcome milestone:

So what does this mean?
Well, it means that Stateside, almost one million other authors have sold at least one of their books since I last sold one of mine (which was the 12th May, 2014).

Not that it's a competition or anything…

A million though…crikey…

And not that I'm trying to make anyone in the good old US-of-A feel guilty - after all, I want people to buy my books because they know they're in for a ripping yarn, not because they feel sorry for me…

Still…

:)

Okay, So It's Shameless Self-Promotion!

The extremely diverse nature of the subjects on which I comment (politics, sport, religion, topical news, neighbours who are pillocks) has inevitably resulted in a very diverse group of simply stunning people who do me the honour of taking time out of their own, equally crazy existences to read my inane ramblings. Just remember, you are the best!

However, having such a diverse following presents its own problems - take today for example. I wanted to post an image along with this particular blog entry that would instantly catch people's attention…and yes, I have to admit, I was going to post Image 2 below…okay, I know it's sexist and could be construed as cheap titillation and debasing to women, but I just liked it because it was an example of utter ridiculousness, like a mankini…but without the man…

Anyway, I decided (somewhat against my nature, I must admit) that I needed to take more cognisance of the potential offence that images like two scantily-clad females in utterly bizarre almost-clothing could cause. That's why I decided to front this particular post (the actual content of which, I might add, has nothing at all to do with either image) with a cute kitten…because everyone likes a cute kitten (apparently!)

  

Image 1

Image 2

Okay, so now that either the cute little kitten or the truly disturbing female attire (which one of my friends suggested was 'just asking for an infection') has engaged you in this post, I can reveal the true purpose of today's ramblings - it's a shallow, some may think almost desperate attempt to remind you fabulous people that on the right hand side of the screen are links to what some readers genuinely believe are four pretty decent books written by my own fair hand…okay, not the one at the top, admittedly, because it doesn't look like anyone has actually read 'God, Aliens, Death & Teapots', even though it contains a story about a dog apocalypse, and one about how the Earth will ultimately deal with the threat of climate change…yeah, I know,  topical eh? There's some pretty deep philosophical shit in there which, if it'd been written by someone like Margaret Atwood, would undoubtedly have won a bucketload of awards by now…not that I'm bitter…
Moving on...
The other three books that can be accessed by just clicking on the colourful covers - Parts 1, 2 & 3 of The Book That THEY Do Nt Want You To Read - well, almost without exception on Amazon.co.uk and Amazon.com and Goodreads.com they've had very positive reviews (I say almost - it would have been nice to know what it was about Book 1 that Simon didn't like on Goodreads (he only gave it 2 stars), but as there was no written review, I guess I'll never know. By the way, rumours that I've had him 'whacked' are simply untrue!).
The most recent review of one of my books was from a fabulous individual in Oxnard, California:

Unprompted positivity - it really is the best!

So, dear blog readers, if you're stuck for something to read on your Kindle (other e-readers are available) this summer and want to be amused, amazed and disturbed all at the same time, then can I suggest you give The Book That THEY Do Not Want You To Read a look…I reckon that if everyone who followed this blog in the US bought a copy TODAY, NOW, AT THIS VERY MOMENT, I'd be able to make it into the top 100, which would be a real boost for my ego…!

However, if you prefer your literary enjoyment to come in small, bite-size morsels, check out 'God, Aliens, Death & Teapots' which, from my publishers (Autharium) website is FREE, but is also available from Amazon at the very reasonable price of $3.49, £1.99, 199 Yen, CDN$2.99 or €2,68. Please note that has already made it to No.8 in the Sci-fi bestseller list…in Spain…because my friend Javier bought a copy...

There, shameless plug for my books all done - thanks for sticking with it :)
Tomorrow, I'll be back to taking the piss out of something or someone!

Onward and upward

As many of you will know, one of my aims in life is to have a book published in hard copy by the time I'm 50 so I can walk around Waterstones in Bolton, waving it under people's noses, giggling maniacally.
Well, as things stand, it sadly doesn't look like 'The Book That THEY...' is going to be the vehicle that will carry me to that nirvana of dream-fulfilment, more's the pity.
Sales appear, in the last couple of months, to have stalled. Despite my efforts, it has failed to capture the interest of the many influential book reviewers on the interweb. And, in spite of the fact that I've had nothing but positive comments and reviews from all those who have read it, it hasn't grabbed the attention of any publisher or literary agent that just happened to be panning in the river-bed of e-books, searching for a golden nugget or two.
As such, it seems like I am going to have to accept that 'The Book That THEY...', as good as it may be, is destined only to ever exist in electronic form, and that I'm going to have to satisfy myself with knowing that, for a week, I was rated number 13 in the Sci-Fi list on Amazon (in Spain, admittedly).
Oh well, c'est la vie, as they say.

But am I downhearted?
Of course not, for I'm already halfway through my awesome new novel (that's 50,000 words of deliciousness, my friends) and getting a real buzz from creating the backstory, developing the setting, bringing life to the characters and twisting and twirling the plot.
And that, I guess, is the thing I need to remember.
It's okay to set myself a goal, but I mustn't let that goal become the be all and end all. Striving for something has got to be at least as enjoyable and fulfilling, if not more so, as the eventual achievement of it. If it's not, and the aim is never actually fulfilled (which realism suggests is a possibility for anyone looking to get a book published), then the journey will not have been a pleasure. It will have been a chore. And why would I ever want to spend my free time doing something that's a chore?

Behold - My Roll(s) of Honour...are you on it?

Actually, there are two Rolls of Honour.

The first is for those intrepid individuals who were the first in their country (remember, by country, I mean any sovereign state that it a member of the UN) to download a copy of Part 1 of 'The Book That THEY...'
Now, bearing in mind that this number may change a little as large states break up into smaller ones (I'm thinking Yugoslavia, Sudan, etc) or as small states join together (not that that seems to be happening much at the moment), there can only ever be 206 names on this particular Roll of Honour...and, already, there are 2 fantastic dudes inscribed upon it:

• Magnus (Sweden)
• Javier (Spain)

Note - there has already been a purchase in the US, but alas the identity of that individual is not known to me; as for the UK, well, that could get a little messy because a lot of people downloaded Part 1 as soon as it came out...not sure what to do about that!
So what's so good about being on this particular Roll of Honour anyhow, I hear people in the cheap seats shout. Well, at the moment, not a lot - but when I am a multi-millionaire author with a jet-set lifestyle, large mansion, swimming pool in the shed and my own reality-TV show, I will send everyone on that Roll of Honour a bottle of very nice Single Malt Whisky (probably from Islay) along with a box of Thornton's Continental chocolates (a large one), and a big Post-It note saying 'Thanks!!'
Not a bad deal, eh?
Now, there are still 202 places on this Roll of Honour up for grabs, and all anyone has to do is post a comment saying that they've downloaded Part 1 (all I need is name and country) and, hey presto! you'll be on the list (by the way, I have ways and means of checking, so any erroneous claims will be identified and referred to my new friends at the NSA, MI6 or FSB for...intervention - you have been warned!) - a link to Amazon is on the right hand side of this blog page!

Now, for those other billions of people who have unfortunately missed out on the Roll of Honour relating to first purchases, there is an alternative.
This is the Roll of Honour of those who have read one of the three parts of 'The Book That THEY...' and posted a 3*, 4* or 5* review of it on Amazon or Goodreads.
I haven't decided what benefits (other than my heartfelt thanks and appreciation... (which perhaps should be enough...)) being on that particular Roll of Honour will bestow - perhaps someone could suggest something (though an all-expenses-paid trip to St Lucia is out of the question!!)
To date, there are 5 people on this particular Roll:

• Peteturbo
• Maddie
• Chris
• John (twice!)
• Mary W

I'd love to be able to add a few more in the weeks and months ahead so, if you are reading this post, why not download Part 1, see if you like it and, if you do, put in a good word on Amazon and Goodreads.

And if you haven't already done so, check out the videoblurb at:
http://youtu.be/HLX7tYCZGpc

And don't forget the Facebook page at:
www.facebook.com/IveReadItHaveYou

There - shameless plugging of my book over for another few weeks!!