Monday, 29 April 2013

Getting to the 'heart' of a problem

I was pleased to hear the other day that Blackburn with Darwen (never quite sure why it is 'with' instead of 'and', but comforting to know that the local Council probably paid £100,000 to a marketing consultancy for that piece of brilliance) was actually in the top 10 for something.
I was somewhat less pleased when I heard that it was in the list of places you are most likely to die of a heart attack (other fatal cardiac conditions are available).
Apparently, every year, 127 out of every 100,000 people in this particular area will croak as a result of a dicky ticker, which is three times more than certain posh parts of London such as Kensington and Chelsea (where 127 out of every 100,000 people die after contracting the infamous River Plate 'Bum' Parasite from contaminated batches of Uruguayan foie gras, which invariably result in death from exploding piles).

I loved this quote from one of the authors of the report, Dr Jessica Allen, of University College London:
"It is still the case in England, as in most other countries, that the richer you are the healthier you are likely to be and the longer you will live."
No shit, Sherlock!

I also read that Heart UK is launching a 'hotspots' campaign to raise awareness of the inequalities across England and encourage patients to look after their health.
Not sure the government will be supporting it though - after all, the last thing they really want is lots of people living longer than they should, drawing a pension for 30 years instead of 10, using more and more NHS services and drugs to deal with weak bladders, angry haemorrhoids, rheumatoid arthritis, dodgy hips, even dodgier knees, erratic thyroids, dementia, etc, etc...
In fact, I suggest the government would be quite happy if people in these 'hotspots' continued to eat too many pies, too little fruit, not do enough exercise and vegitate in front of the TV watching inane drivel (such as The Voice) - the nation can't afford to have everyone living to 100, can they...unless, of course, they make everyone work until they are 80...