Next time I'm in the office and someone winds me up, I think I'm going to bite them on the arm.
I'm then going to issue an insincere apology, stating how sorry I am for what I did and how I will work hard to make sure it doesn't happen again, whereupon, fingers crossed, my bosses will decide to fine me £50 and tell me that I'm not to come into work for the next eight weeks and I'm to spend that time reflecting seriously on what I've done.
Result. That's eight weeks with the feet up, thank you very much.
And if that doesn't work, then I think I'll take a leaf out of my mate John's playbook and either racially abuse someone at the office or, if all else fails, sleep with the WAG of one of my colleagues.
Surely that will result in some extra time off work...paid, of course.
Is it any wonder that we have problems with young people in society showing no-one any respect when such sporting 'role models' as Suarez, Terry, Rooney and the like act so irresponsibly (nay, so violently) and with such contempt for everything and everyone else, yet do so without any proper censure, either from their employers, their sponsors or, sadly, the footballing world at large.
A slap on the wrist, a brief public dressing-down from the manager and, hey presto, everything is rosy in the garden again, misdemeanours forgotten, and they are free to continue to receive their obscenely large financial rewards and the misguided adulation of the ignorant masses.
And, to add insult to bite injury, there is every chance that Luis Suarez will be named 'Footballer of the Year'...my God, if that happens, what sort of message does that send out, not only to our youngsters, but to society in general!
Such a contrast to Mssrs Hoy, Wiggins, Farah, etc who conduct themselves impeccably and, as such, are truly deserving of the rewards and admiration they receive.