That exact thing should have happened yesterday when we went to watch 'Star Trek Into Darkness' and found ourselves sat just in front of two men, both probably in their late thirties/early forties, who throughout the film provided precisely those additional sound effects that are guaranteed to get my blood boiling.
So did I huff and puff?
A little, at the start.
Did I cast angry and withering glances in their direction?
Once or twice.
Did I politely ask them to shut the fuck up?
But why not, I hear my blog-readers from around the globe cry out in amazement (by the way, it's beautiful to know that this blog has also been read by people (okay, maybe that is just one person) in Vietnam, Thailand, Italy, China, Argentina and Ecuador, as well as the fantastic faithful in the UK, USA, Russia, Germany, etc - you are all brilliant!)
Anyway, where was I...?
Oh yeah - why had I not allowed my blood to top 100 degress Celsius and turn on the noisy gits behind me, beating them to death with a spare popcorn bucket.
These two guys were bona fide, dyed-in-the-wool, I've-got-a-Shatner-shrine-at-home Trekkies.
How could I tell?
Well, if the inordinately wide-eyed-ness of them as the Star Trek music started and their barely contained, overly-excited-schoolgirl chortelling as the opening chase sequence involving Kirk and McCoy unfolded wasn't enough to suggest that this was, to these guys, more than just another movie, well, the following definitely confirmed it:
NOTE - POTENTIAL SPOILER ALERT!
- the knowing giggles when it was revealed that the plot involved Kronos
- the gasps of reverential awe and wonder when Leonard Nimoy appeared on screen
- the self-congratulatory harrumphs which accompanied the revelation of who Benedict Cumberbatch's character's true identity was; and, most spectacularly
- the hoots of delight that accompanied Spock's attempts to do that Vulcan-shoulder-grip-thing on Benedict's character
Heaven knows what these chaps might get up to in the privacy of their own homes when Star Trek Into Darkness becomes available on Blu-Ray...I guess it is better not to think about that.
Okay, so maybe it is a bit harsh to take the piss out of these guys so wantonly and, to be honest, that piss-taking is all meant in good fun.
Yes, it was just a little irritating to have an additional soundtrack to the movie and, yes, I'd prefer to have my fellow audience-members watch a film in mesmerised silence; but on this one occasion, I was willing to let this go because here was an example of people genuinely enjoying what they were watching and expressing that every now and again, and there's not really anything wrong with that...
...unlike those pillocks who talked all the way through the first half of Roger Waters' 'The Wall' at the MEN Arena when I went to watch it a year or two back - now they were just ignorant bastards and equally ignorant bitches and if there hadn't been so many of them and they hadn't all been bigger than me (women included, especially the ones with moustaches) then I'd have happily beaten their minisule brains out with one of the hammers from the video for 'Another Brick in the Wall'!!
By the way, Star Trek Into Darkness is the best film I've seen this year (better than Iron Man 3) and is actually just a bit better than the original Star Trek film of the J.J.Abrams franchise because it is just a bit darker...and Benedict is fantastic as the villain of the piece!
And there didn't seem to be as much lens flare (that's for you, Dan!)