Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Still traumatised by the sight of Arse-Crack Man


There are some things in this world that are just too hideous to behold...and it was one of these things that Chris W and I saw whilst walking alongside the Caledonian Canal last week.
He was probably about 60 years old, was carrying a lot of extra baggage and, as he trundled past us (his wife had already ridden off into the distance, and we were soon to understand why she was taking the lead), he was pleasant enough with the obligatory greetings.
It was...I...we...
Oh God, even recalling it is making me feel like puking...a wedge of lily-white flab peeking out from between light blue tee-shirt and brown pants...and there, right in the middle...
Arse-crack.
Staring out like a hideously thin eye, looking back at us as he peddled into the distance.



And what was worse was the fact that, as we got to Gairlochy where we'd left the car, he was sat there with his wife, nodding at us like an old friend, completely oblivious of the terrible mental scarring he had inflicted upon us (and on everyone else he had passed, no doubt).
Maybe we should simply have said to him:
'Look, man, you need to make sure you've pulled your pants up before mounting because the sight of your arse-crack is just about the worse fucking thing we've ever had the misfortune to see!'
But, we didn't. We just smiled back through gritted teeth before looking quickly away, lest we catch a further glimpse of...

Still, it could have been worse, I suppose.
He could have been wearing a thong!