Wednesday, 18 June 2014

The Meaning of LiFIFA - Part 3

Remember the Matrix trilogy - it started well (even though it did have Keanu Reeves in it), but then it started to go downhill at such a rate that by the time the third film came along, no-one had a bloody clue what the f*ck was going on and everyone was convinced that the producers were just trying to squeeze everything they could out of an idea before they eventually shot it in the head.
Well, my new footballing vocabulary is nothing like that, because it's just going to run and run and run, irrespective of whether anyone still understands it - like Lost.

POLL (n.) - medical term (latin name - numeratus nobus)
A sudden, inexplicable inability to differentiate between the numbers 2 and 3.

Example of usage - 'I went to buy ice creams for the children, suffered a Poll, and ended up buying one too many!'

PEPE (vb.)
To Zidane someone (not necessarily Italian) when the recipient is seated.

VINNIE (vb.)
To crush something e.g. nuts.

Example of usage - 'Ow. I've just Vinnied my finger in the door. Get me some witch hazel.'

GREEN (adj.)
Something that should be impenetrable but, when tested, is found to be dangerously flawed.

Example of usage - The Green Zone in Baghdad.

1. (vb.) To weep.
2. (adj.) Pissed.

Examples of usage:
1. Having grazed her knee, Emma gazzaed loudly.
2. After seven pints of lager, Frank was well and truly gazza-ed.'

NAYIM (n.)
A bizarre sexual act where ejaculant is thrown great distances.

Etymology - word is thought to have originated in Paris in the mid-1990s