Tuesday, 17 June 2014

The Meaning of LiFIFA - Part 2

Following the somewhat stunning success (in terms of comments and page views) of yesterday's initial 'The Meaning of LiFIFA' I have, like all good Hollywood producers, decided to try and mine this rich seam for as long as I possibly can, even with the knowledge that it is likely to be subject to the law of diminishing returns. I have therefore produced another set of new additions to the footballing vocabulary. - see below.
If it's anywhere near as successful as the first one, I'll keep on going until I either run out of ideas or you guys out there become bored with it all (that's right, a bit like Heroes).


MWEPU (n.)
A mental aberration, moment of madness


Example of usage - 'You'll have to forgive him, Archdeacon. He's clearly had a Mwepu. I'll get him to pull his trousers up now.'


CANTONA (n.)
Vengeance - derived from the little known Gallic version of the Greek goddess of divine retribution, Nemesis.


Example of usage - from an early draft of Samuel L Jackson's soliloquy in Pulp Fiction, by Quentin Tarantino: The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and a furious Cantona those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you.
The reference to Cantona was dropped amid fears that it wouldn't be understood in Skipton.


BLATTER (vb.)
To smooth the way (usually through coercion, intimidation or other nefarious means).
BLATTER (n.)
To be impervious to criticism, to not give a shit.


Example of usage (vb.) - 'I've just Blattered my teacher into giving me an A*' 
Example of usage (n.) - From FIFA's official nursery rhyme: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but nothing else will matter. I've got the job, I'm keeping it because I'm simply Blatter.


SUAREZ (n.)
Little known Uruguayan delicacy consisting of the the fleshy forearm of a Serbian. Best eaten raw, apparently.



DICANIO (adj.)
Irrelevant. Something that can be easily dismissed (like a red card from a referee).


Example of usage - 'I don't care what you think about my decision to shave off all my pubic hair. Your  opinion is Dicanio.'


ALCOCK (vb.) 
To stagger back comically and fall over like a big pussy.


CHILES (vb.)
To talk utter bollocks e.g. 'It's pouring down and the ref is enjoying his moment in the sun'


Example of usage - 'The missus won't stop Chilesing while the football is on!'