Friday, 11 July 2014

The Meaning of LiFIFA - England World Cup 2014 Edition

It's the World Cup Final this weekend (preceded by the utterly pointless 3rd-4th Place play-off), and my money's on Germany (which undoubtedly means Argentina will be raising the trophy come Sunday evening!)
In honour of what I hope will be rip-roaring 8-7 victory to Germany on penalties (after the match finishes 3-3 in normal time and 5-5 after extra time, with 3 players sent off!), I have decided to resurrect the hugely popular  Meaning of LiFIFA, this time with an England Edition.
I could pretend that I had two versions of this England World Cup 2014 Edition drafted - one for when England won the tournament (or at least got the knock-out stages), and one for the real world. Needless to say, it's the real world version that takes pride of place on the blog.
So, here goes:

HODGSON (vb.)
To continue to doggedly follow a plan even though all the indications are that it simply isn't working.


Example of usage - extract from a copy of Winston Churchill's unpublished manuscript 'How I Would Have Fought The Great War': At Ypres, Sir John French hodgsoned, wasting the lives of thousands of his troops.


GERRARD (adj.)
Understatedly excited - derived from the many news conferences where Stephen Gerrard explained how 'excited' he was to be at the World Cup in a monotone Scouse drawl which suggested he'd rather be spending his time (and his money) on a beach somewhere.


Example of usage - 'The boy was cock-a-hoop at winning the prize, but decided to act all Gerrard.'


ROONEY (vb.)
To criticise your dejected fans for your own shit performance (applicable to all Wayne Rooney world cup appearances)


Example of usage - words aren't needed here - just have a look at this video and then tell me this isn't an arrogant twat!


HART (adj.)
To be distracted - derived from spending too much time making adverts for shampoo instead of working on the critical goalkeeping skill of preventing the ball from going into your goal.


Example of usage - 'Sorry, what were you saying? I went all Hart there for a moment.'


BOBBY MOORE (adj.)
Something to be proud of; a fine example of something
Majestic, honorable, resolute, determined



Example of usage - 'That new wall I've just built, well it's just Bobby Moore, innit.'

If you have any further suggestions, feel free to comment.